Some jokes might be offensive... just to warn you.


How many goths does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to hold the ladder, another to climb up and screw it in... but accidently drops the bulb. And 50 others to slit their wrists with the shardes of glass.


If a Mennonite couple gets divorced, does that still make them brother and sister?



What has 7 arms and SUCKS? Def Leppard (get it? Their drummer has one arm...)


What's the difference between a black guy and a couch? The couch can support a family.


Where do hippies hide their job applications? Under their "work boots".




I'm pretty bad at remembering good jokes. There was a good thread at [M] though... please add onto this thread!

There better not be any nerds that pretend they care but they dont ... anyways, good ones...

life is a vaccum


it sucks.
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wanna hear a joke?
Metallica, St. Anger

How do you tell if indians live on your street?
You roll a penny down the street
How do you know which indian is the richest?
The one that got the penny

How do you kill an indian?
Throw their welfair cheque off of a bridge

::doesnt get the indian jokes::

You must be canadian to truely understand them.

edit:


There's 3 guys in a boat and there's too much weight and it'll sink. They each have to pick one of their items to throw overboard... there's a French guy, a Native, and a Canadian. The French guy says he'll throw out his bag full of cheese since his country has too much cheese anyway. The native throws out some ancient indian artifacts. He says there's plenty back on their land. And finally, the Canadian throws out the native and says "Our country is filled with these!"

why is 6 afraid of 7?








because 7 8 9.

Ok so there's three people that get stranded on an island. A Brit, a Yank, and a Frenchie. They're looking and looking and can't find any way off. However they run into a tribe of cannabals. Oh shit.

The cannabals are sporting fellows and they say: "Well the bad news is, we're going to kill you and use your skins for our canoes. The good news is that you can die however you want." Well the party sits down and thinks awhile. Well the british guy stands up.

"Give me a gun" They give him a gun and he says "Long live the Queen!!" Boom shoots himself and he's dead.

The French guy thinks for a bit and finally says. "Alright give me a sword." So the french guy stands up and he says. "Viva la France!" and stabs himself in the heart and bam he's dead.

Finally the American's turn is up. The cannabels are all waiting for his answer and finally he says. "Alright. Give me a fork." The Islanders look confused but they do as he asks. He starts stabbing himself all over. stab stab stab stab stab. Finally he's run out of so much blood that he can't move anymore. He was bleeding from hundreds of tiny little holes all over him.

The chief runs up to him and says "What the hell, why'd you do that?"

With his last breath the yank says. "AH HA SO MUCH FOR YOUR CANOE YOU STUPID FUCKING CANNABAL!"

Just thought of another one.


Once upon a time a mother was pregnant with triplets. SHe was a happy mom and had a good husband. Well she's at the local 7-11 and there's a robbery. Sadly in the whole confusion, the mom gets shot 3 times in her stomach.

She's rushed to the hospital and is taken care of immediately. She recovers a few hours later and the doctor comes in to see her. "Well it looks like all of your fetuses are healthly so they should have a normal birth." The mom is completely relieved.

Along comes 12 boring years. Life is normal and happy and the mom has 2 daughters and a son. Well one day one of the daughters comes running up to the mom.

"Mommy mommy mommy!"

"What dear?"

"You'll never believe what happened!! I was going to the bathroom and I peed out a bullet!!" The mom kind of laughs and she tells her the story of the robbery and everything. THe daughter's relieved and she goes off.

A few days later the other daughter comes up.

"Mommy mommy mommy!"

"What dear?"

"Well I ah.. I was kinda... going potty and well... I PEED OUT A BULLET!!" The mom laughs again and she tells the daughter the same story she told the first one. Relieved the daughter goes off.

A couple weeks later the son walks up to the mom.

"Uh... Mom?"

"What dear?"

"Uhm... You're not going to believe this...."

"Let me guess, you peed out a bullet?"

"Well no... See I was jacking off and I ah... Well I shot the dog."

you kinda need to live near foxwoods or mohegan sun for it to make much sense

They suck in my country. We pay for them to go on welfair and do nothing except make canada suck. If there were none of them, it'd be perfect... sorry to say it or being racist, but its most likley true. I have indian blood in me.. somehow, but I dont know. There was a national pow-wow gathering here last year and the american indians were ashamed of the canadian indians, they called them "idiots" and "drunks" ... they came for about 1 hour and left soon as possible it was so devistating.

Aboriginals in Canada don't have to pay taxes, don't have to pay for university...

The ones in Saskatchewan don't even make it too highschool, by then they're at home all the time. They also cause a lot of shit. My city has high as murder rate as new york.... I've seen a stat in my city that 92% of murderers in a certain year were Native. And a number between 80 and 90 percent of the killed were white. Why? I dont know!?

Q: What’s black, white, red and rolls around in a McDonalds parking lot?
A black guy and a seagull fighting over a French fry!

Q: what do you call a black guy standing in front of the church?
A: Holy shit!

Q: What’s a natural disaster?
A: A bus load of chinks going off a cliff and there is room for one more!!

Q: How do you stop a black guy from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his face!

Q: Why don't black guys have check books?
A: They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint.

Q: What do you call ten chinks drowning?
A: A good start!

Q: Why don't chinks like country music?
A: When they hear the words "hoe-down" they think their sister's been shot.

Q: What do you say when you see your TV. floating around at night?
A: drop it nigger!

Q: Did you hear of the new Chinese Barbie?
A: It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

Q: What's the American dream?
A: A chink swimming back with a black guy under each arm!

Q: What do you call a black baby abortion center?
A: Crime stoppers!

Q: Why can chinks fuck all night?
A: Because they don't have to get up the next morning and go to work!

Q: If you can only afford half a ship to send chinks back to China, what do you do?
A: Send the ship half way and then sink it!

Q: If a rabbi and a black man were playing basketball in a gas chamber, who would win?
A: The black man because he has home court advantage!

Q: What do you say to a Chinese man in uniform?
A: "I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke.”

Q: What do you call a cold KKK member?
A: a smurf!

Q: What do you call a black guy wearing a suit?
A: The defendant

Q: If a Puerto Rican and a black guy are in the back of a car, who can you assume is driving?
A: The cops!

Q; What do you call a black man with no hands?
A: Trustworthy!

Q: What's the difference between a chink and a bucket of shit?
A: The Bucket!

Q: Why don't you throw stones at a black guys car?
A: It's probably yours

Q: How do you hide a dollar from a chink?
A: put it under a bar of soap!

Q: What did the little kid say when he saw a black man with no arms and legs?
A: Look ma, a nigger!

Q: What do you call 80 black guys running down a hill?
A: Jailbreak!

Q: What is black, long and smelly?
A: The unemployment line!

Q: What does a black guy have in common with an apple?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree!

Q: How do you get a black guy out of a tree?
A: cut the rope!

Q: What do you call 100 white guys chasing one black guy?
A: The PGA

Q. Why would Mexicans be good in the Olympics?
A: Because they're good at sprinting, swimming and jumping fences!

Q: What do you call throwing a chink off a boat?
A: Pollution
Q: What do you call throwing 100 chinks off a boat?
A: Pollution

Q: Did you know that Michael Jordan and Donald Brashear had the same nickname when they were kids?
A: Nigger!

Q: How do you blindfold a chink?
A: Use tooth floss

Q: What do you call a bunch of Black Skydivers?
A: Night

Q: What do you call a bunch of black guys under the C.N Tower?
A: Pubic Hair

Q: What do you give a chink for her 14th birthday?
A: A baby shower!

those are mexican jokes not indian!

''My God! What happened to you?''
the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
''I got in a tiff with Riley.''
''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised.
'He must have had something in his hand.''
''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.''
''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?''
''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left breast.'' Kelly said.
''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.''

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A professor at MIT was demonstrating how to build a charge of static
electricity.
While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other,
he told the class
"You can see what a big charge I get by rubbing my rod."
That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.

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A tall blonde and a tall brunette are standing in an elevator.
A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next
floor.
The brunette says, “Boy he could use some head and shoulders.”
The blonde says, “Hm. How do you give shoulders?”

hear about the three holes?

no? well, well, well...

A bunch of ones I posted on another forum:

http://forums.hostrocket.com/showthread.ph...&threadid=11276

A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed together. The chicken, who is smoking a cigarette, turns to the egg and says "I guess we know the answer to that question "

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?


A woman who won't do what she's told!

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of
drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah, Senor, you have excellent taste! those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I'm so sorry, Senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening, he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller then the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor Sometimes the bull wins."

locking this thread due to complaints of racist jokes.